KPOP Updates News Music Info MV: Sistar

Showing posts with label Sistar. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Some Idiots Who Didn't Go to Med School Criticize Sistar's Soyou

Soyou said in a truly tragic interview that she once crash dieted so hard that she lost 8 kilograms (just under 18 pounds) in a month. For reference, it's generally considered safe/healthy to lose between 1/2 a pound and 2 pounds per week. That's 2 to 8 pounds a month, not fucking 18.

This was posted on her Instagram a month ago. I think she's thin enough, you guys.

"My friend's mother gave me a watermelon to eat once and I held it and cried thinking that everything I had worked for would crumble if I ate it," she said, which apparently provoked a bunch of fucking idiots to call her a whiny little bitch, suggest that she was still too fat, and volunteer to lose weight at an even more dangerous pace.

2. [+719, -63] If I made her type of money, I could lose even 10 kg in a month....

Yep, and get gallstones and liver damage, you fool.

3. [+476, -46] Shows that dieting is better short term and getting sh*t done. Nevermind all those one meal a day diets, just starve yourself and exercise and get rid of your weight in the shortest time. It's painful but it's short. I find Soyu amazing for overcoming that.

The takeaway from this girl talking about how the mere thought of eating fruit made her weep is DEFINITELY that her diet was ideal. Brilliant analysis.

1. [+768, -59] I'm sure that's a lot of stress but if you consider the money she's getting in her bank account... A lot of non-celebrities work under the burden of bigger stress without making even 1% of what she does.

Eating disorder, shmeating disorder. At least she's getting paid!!!!!!

6. [+9, -0] Whenever I see celebrities say they lost over 5 kg in weight, I wonder what their initial weight was... Soyu's 168 cm tall and doesn't look too thin so did she lose enough to drop to 46 kg or...??

Yeah look at that fucking whale!!!!!! How dare she only risk her health a little bit! She'd be so much hotter if she was just a pile of bones loosely draped with skin (but also with a great ass and big tits ... somehow).

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Kpop's Most Iconic Song Intros

Kpop, to a degree infinitely greater than Western pop, is prone to appending informative introductions to their songs. And every now and then, these first ten to fifteen seconds of a song are so unbelievably ridiculous or catchy (or ridiculously catchy) that they far overshadow the remainder. Here are a few of my favourites:

Hey, remember when After School was a thing? Well, this music video is notable primarily for its extensive, extremely tasteful use of stripper poles. But the song is notable primarily for the fact that the man whispering "get funky, get down, get down, COME ON, get down, get down" is interrupted after a mere ten seconds by a bloodcurdling female scream. I can only assume that Nana fell off her pole, causing the unholy noise that makes this intro so memorable.

Did you know that no matter where you go (Korean I can't understand because I'm uneducated) the pretty girls are ... AOA? Yes! Uh-HAH! You know! (I know!) You know! (I know!) But you would not know were it not for Jimin's instantly iconic introduction.

There is no greater offender in the realm of unintentionally hilarious song introductions than the Brave Brothers. Complete with a stage-whispered "are you ready?" and weird use of AutoTune, this is Bravesound at its best and most incongruous.

This most mortifying of music videos is foreshadowed by the deeply mortifying call to arms "Everybody, I said EVERYBODY, report to the dance floor. Miss Hyuna is back." It makes Hyuna sound like she's some knockoff version of Ciara circa 2004.

Finally, the self-congratulatoriness of a JYP intro is combined with the awkwardness of a Bravesound intro, creating this masterpiece of a lovechild. Here, we get our usual Stock Male Whisperer (who I have to assume is a Brave Brother?) introducing this collaboration like it's going to solve world hunger and end racism forever. It's the first collaboration! Can you even believe it? Really makes you think about how much the world was missing out on before JYP and Bravesound joined forces on February 16th in the year of our Lord 2014 to inform us that finally it was "time to ... leggo".

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

[MV Review] SISTAR – “I Like That”

[AKF: Welcome AKF42's newest member, kalliope!]

Like clockwork, SISTAR is back with another summer comeback/opportunity for them all to vigorously shake their asses at a camera. Fortunately, even a broken clock (see: the extremely unlistenable Shake It, the fairly unlistenable but mercifully body-roll-heavy My Boy) is right twice a day. And I Like That is one of those times.

Who could have predicted this choreo?!?!

A departure from the super happy summer fare they’ve been cranking out for the past couple of years, I Like That is a return to the dark, dramatic textures they used to such excellent effect in Alone. Despite the change from major to minor, though, the production here is extremely standard SISTAR fare: you’ve got some mildly interesting horns, a heck of a lot of percussion, and Hyorin belting constantly. The thing about SISTAR is that they crank the production up as loud and as heavy as Hyorin can handle (which is very, very loud and very, very heavy) but that sometimes ends up drowning out the weaker voices in the group. As per usual, Soyou is decent, Dasom is a non-event and Bora is bad at rapping but good at being pretty. But despite the mixed bag of vocalists and the subpar rapping, I Like That is eminently listenable thanks to the solid hook and nifty rhythmic trick at the end of the chorus. The horn line is employed with enough tact that it manages to avoid annoying the crap out of listeners, and the production backs off enough to really let Hyorin shine (which is the only reason anyone listens to SISTAR songs anyway).

You can close those curtains, Dasom, nobody wants to see you

As for the video, it’s a pretty standard dance-in-the-box sexy concept. There’s a gesture in the direction of a storyline featuring Dasom, the least interesting person in the group and possibly the world, but otherwise it’s just a tableau of SISTAR-standard ass-shaking, bed-splaying, longing gazes into the camera, etc. They play with some fabric, Bora looks surprisingly sexy with short hair (which she cuts in the middle of the video for … reasons) and blue contacts, Soyou rolls around on some rose petals for like thirty milliseconds and then basically never appears again, the girls wear some extremely regrettable nude illusion bodysuits, Hyorin has boobs and we are thankful for it, Dasom does not have boobs but pretends really hard like she does and we are still pretty thankful for it. Everybody has tattoos, if you’re into that.

The only thing Soyou does in this video is lie down. I feel you, girl

This sure as hell isn’t SISTAR’s best work, but it also isn’t their worst. I could do without Bora rapping and the entire bridge section of the song, but everyone looks at least somewhat hot in the video (Bora, you’re the real MVP), the percussion and horn lines are standard kpop fare but a good time nonetheless, and Hyorin can still belt it. 3.5/5, would listen again.