KPOP Updates News Music Info MV: AOA

Showing posts with label AOA. Show all posts

Friday, July 8, 2016

So is Jimin really (good and) hot (and fresh and fly)?

For some reason, FNC decided that Jimin, nasal-voiced rapper extraordinaire (???) should be the first member of AOA to debut solo. Why they didn’t pick inarguable sex goddess and vocal all-star Choa is a mystery to me (UPDATE: they did, but it was a really boring ballad so I forgot about it. Oops?), but I guess they were trying to capitalize on the exposure Jimin got from appearing on Unpretty Rapstar. Or maybe they were just blown away by her iconic rap intro to Like a Cat.

Whatever the reason, Jimin got her solo debut. And oh my god, it is an emoji-ridden hellscape. She raps like a whiny baby and her weird pigtail-beret situation in the video makes her look like one too. The song is somehow both boring and extremely irritating. Even the title (Call You Bae) is a millennial nightmare. But because I love suffering, I watched the video all the way through to the end.

And that’s how I discovered the extremely sexy/cute final 25 seconds of the video, where Jimin flounces around and makes fake sexy faces at the camera before collapsing into giggles. This prompted a full-on existential crisis: was I actually kind of attracted to this annoying brat?

In the interests of science, I decided to research this pressing question further. So I watched her semi-final performance on Unpretty Rapstar.

As someone who speaks English but not Korean, I have to admit that the English lyrics in this make no fucking sense and Jimin does not know how to pronounce the title of her own song. But damn, the weird synth beat of this song goes hard, and it turns out Jimin actually knows how to rap. Also, having watched more performances of the song, I can confirm she’s fucking hot when she’s not acting like a toddler who can’t have her favourite toy. Even the nasal tone which was so incredibly grating in her solo debut sounds kinda cool here.

As a final test, I decided to consider how Jimin stands up in a group setting. She’s already operating at a bit of a disadvantage, because everyone in AOA is stupid hot (with the notable exception of Chanmi). Even if Jimin was a stone-cold hottie, she wouldn’t be able to hold a candle to the dynamic duo of Seolhyun and Hyejeong, not to mention Choa’s magnetic sex appeal. But my extremely scientific fancam study revealed that not only is Jimin a pretty good dancer (check those hips at the beginning of the first one and the body roll 30 seconds into the second one), but she looks damn good even standing next to my #1 bias forever, Hyejeong.

To wrap up:

Call You Bae -200

Puss +150

Fancams +100

Total 50 sexy points

Therefore, your reporter on the front lines is forced to conclude that Jimin is indeed damn sexy. But you might want to plug your ears when she starts rapping.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Kpop's Most Iconic Song Intros

Kpop, to a degree infinitely greater than Western pop, is prone to appending informative introductions to their songs. And every now and then, these first ten to fifteen seconds of a song are so unbelievably ridiculous or catchy (or ridiculously catchy) that they far overshadow the remainder. Here are a few of my favourites:

Hey, remember when After School was a thing? Well, this music video is notable primarily for its extensive, extremely tasteful use of stripper poles. But the song is notable primarily for the fact that the man whispering "get funky, get down, get down, COME ON, get down, get down" is interrupted after a mere ten seconds by a bloodcurdling female scream. I can only assume that Nana fell off her pole, causing the unholy noise that makes this intro so memorable.

Did you know that no matter where you go (Korean I can't understand because I'm uneducated) the pretty girls are ... AOA? Yes! Uh-HAH! You know! (I know!) You know! (I know!) But you would not know were it not for Jimin's instantly iconic introduction.

There is no greater offender in the realm of unintentionally hilarious song introductions than the Brave Brothers. Complete with a stage-whispered "are you ready?" and weird use of AutoTune, this is Bravesound at its best and most incongruous.

This most mortifying of music videos is foreshadowed by the deeply mortifying call to arms "Everybody, I said EVERYBODY, report to the dance floor. Miss Hyuna is back." It makes Hyuna sound like she's some knockoff version of Ciara circa 2004.

Finally, the self-congratulatoriness of a JYP intro is combined with the awkwardness of a Bravesound intro, creating this masterpiece of a lovechild. Here, we get our usual Stock Male Whisperer (who I have to assume is a Brave Brother?) introducing this collaboration like it's going to solve world hunger and end racism forever. It's the first collaboration! Can you even believe it? Really makes you think about how much the world was missing out on before JYP and Bravesound joined forces on February 16th in the year of our Lord 2014 to inform us that finally it was "time to ... leggo".