You can find part 1 here and part 2 here if you missed them - but for now let's get on with part 3 - hottest men and women!
Voters were asked to nominate k-pop idols in these six categories:
BEST FEMALE ASS
BEST MALE ASS
BEST FEMALE BOOBS
BEST MALE ABS
OVERALL HOTTEST FEMALE
OVERALL HOTTEST MALE
Some people split hairs a little and wrote stuff like "I like [idol x] the most but I don't think 'hot' really describes them", I suppose I could have used "most attractive" which may have in fact been a more accurate descriptor of what I meant, but I was trying to save on character length, which is important when there's hot idols to fap to. People who wanted a "most beautiful face" question should realise that the vast majority of people assess overall beauty by facial features, so essentially, that's what these questions were.
Readers were asked to nominate up to five idols or ex-idols, although any "people in the Korean music scene" were eligible. People who had never performed a song of their own did not qualify, which excluded people from k-dramas, movies as well as from "dance groups" that don't have their own songs written especially for them. The order was important - idols mentioned first on people's list of five got more points than those mentioned last. This made a real difference - some idols were mentioned extremely frequently but were almost never anyone's first choice - as a result, they didn't poll that well. People who forgot to add group names as instructed also disqualified their own votes - there's multiple Minas, Jiyeons, Choas, Kibums and Jimins in k-pop plus some other duplicates I'm forgetting, plus I really have trouble matching the names to the groups generally especially with the male groups and nugus I'm not that familiar with. So if you fucked it up - sucks to be you, read the instructions next time! Anyway, here's the results!
OVERALL HOTTEST FEMALES
#1 – Hyosung – Secret
393 points
Another easy win for Hyosung. Many people who nominated Hyosung specified that she was a solo artist and completely forgot that she's also a member of Secret. Who are the other three girls in Secret again? It seems that none of you could remember either, as none of them even got into double-digit votes. Such is the power of Hyosung's hotness to give the brains of Kpopalypse readers a jizz enema, washing their synapses clean of all rational thought.
#2 – Seolhyun – AOA
235 points
Speaking of people lacking in rational thought, don't let netizen translation sites with a vested interest in your clicks fool you - netizen comments on Korean sites like Naver and Nate are like YouTube comments in the west - hardly anyone reads them, even less care what they say, and only the lowest turds on the intellectual ladder have the time and energy to muster up a comment anyway. K-pop agencies and media sometimes care only because they're so desperate for material to fill their quotas that they'll latch onto any old crap, it's like free material for them, but ask any man or woman on the street about AOA's recent activities and they'll say either "Who?" or "I bet those girls do well in Kpopalypse's overall hottest females poll".
#3 – Choa – AOA
185 points
Everybody knows that the pretty girls are AOA. I don't think anyone who first got into the group back in "band days" would have predicted that Choa would out-poll Hyuna on prestigious Kpopalypse lists such as this one a few years later, which just goes to show that you never can tell.
#4 – Hyuna
183 points
I figure that "Sure" is the title of the magazine and "love your body" is the theme of the photoshoot, but doesn't it just read like sarcasm - "sure, love your body when something as unachievable as Hyuna exists". Don't worry all you ladies with low self-esteem, when I went to see 4Minute live Hyuna looked like Skeletor's minions had just raided He-Man's lair and brought back two tennis balls and his ancient font of celestial BB cream. There, feel less like killing yourself now?
#5 – Nana – After School/Orange Caramel
168 points
Although like Hyuna she's hardly my type, there's no denying that Nana looks exactly like a supermodel which is why she keeps topping those TC Candler "most beautiful face" polls, something people will forever be butthurt about, but TC Candler has been fapping to girls for longer than Kpopalypse has had working testicles so he knows what's up. Several Kpopalypse readers agreed, and propelled Nana into fourth place on overall attractiveness alone despite the fact that she didn't even poll double digits in any other category, proof that despite the stereotype many people don't assess female beauty on tits and ass alone.
#6 – Yura – Girl's Day
164 points
...and then there's Yura. Kpopalypse readers, why do you hate her so? She's clearly never destined to come first in any Kpopalypse poll or list ever, maybe you're all so busy fapping that your hand is too slimy to use the mouse and keyboard correctly to vote for her. Make sure you give it a good wipe-down before this time next year, you slobs.
#7 – Momo – Twice
148 points
Another entrant who like Nana is about as far away from something I like as it's possible to get, Momo's inclusion here is proof that I'm not rigging this because if it were up to me she wouldn't even make the top 100. However the poll isn't about what I want (I would have voted for Momo's headwear in this picture over Momo herself) but about what YOU the reader wanted, and many of you were very clear that you wanted Momo. Someone like Momo who is a relative newcomer on the k-pop scene has an inherent disadvantage compared to the veteran household names so her position here shouldn't be underestimated.
#8 – Hyomin – T-ara
121 points
Could it be that Kpopalypse blog attracts a lot of biased T-ara fans, giving Hyomin's undeniable attractiveness (and excessive BB cream use) an unfair advantage in this poll? This could be the case, but they're only biased because Hyomin is so hot, so it's circular logic. We'd see across-the-board T-ara themed voting if that was the case, but Boram, Soyeon and Hwayoung all barely made it out of single digits, and temporary ex-T-ara ring-ins Dani and Ahreum didn't catch a single solitary vote.
#9 – Kyungri – Nine Muses
120 points
Kyungri's performance across all female categories of this poll is amazing when you consider that she's one of a group of deliberately similar-looking and extremely modelesque women in a group with multiple line-up changes that k-pop fans in general periodically tend to forget actually exists, let alone which members are still in the group this week.
#10 – Yuri – Girls' Generation
90 points
On the opposite end of the nugu spectrum, Yuri is fresh from a Qri-style upper-body "beauty care" session and easily left all her higher-profile groupmates in the dust this year. Also, she hasn't released much in the way of music lately, which no doubt also worked in her favour.
#11 – Jiyeon – T-ara
89 points
T-ara's cyclopean queen and leader of the "near-eyes" continued to use her powers to burn through hearts and minds of Kpopalypse readers, ensuring her continued relevance in this poll. Unlike every other picture in this list, Jiyeon has been photographed here with her gaze directed completely away from the camera - for your safety.
#12 – Krystal – f(x)
87 points
Krystal looks exactly like every second or third Asian girl that I see when I'm out doing my grocery shopping - that is, until someone flips a switch in the back of her head marked "bitchstare", upon where she transforms into the biggest cunt in the universe. Look at this photo - she just wants to bash the photographer right in his fucking face for making her wear those 19th century rags and pose like an idiot. This is probably her tenth modelling gig that day and she's so over it. Kpopalypse readers duly recognised the hotness of a woman who screams "IDGAF" from her every pore.
#13 – Hani – EXID
78 points
EXID are another one of those groups that nobody ever saw getting anywhere in the world of k-pop, that is, until someone changed everything by highlighting Hani on a fancam. While the comically riotous thirsty cheering was probably the real reason why that particular fancam went viral as opposed to the many thousands of others out there, that was enough to bring EXID some fame and make you all remember Hani enough to vote your asses off even though she doesn't look anything like that anymore.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS
#14 - Jaekyung - Rainbow
#15 - Soyou - Sistar
#16 - Hwasa - Mamamoo
#17 - Irene - Red Velvet
#18 - Hyejeong - AOA
#19 - Gain - Brown Eyed Girls
#20 - Bora - Sistar
#21 - Mina - Twice
#22 - Tzuyu - Twice
#23 - Sojin - Girl's Day
#24 - Eunjung - T-ara
#25 - Hyuna - Nine Muses
#26 - Dahye - BESTie
#27 - Sulli - Cao Ni Ma
#28 - Fei - (ex) miss A (calling this with my super Boram powers)
#29 - Jei - Fiestar
#30 - Victoria - f(x)
#31 - Yezi - Fiestar
#32 - Jimin - AOA
#33 - Lee Hyori
#34 - Yubin - Wonder Girls
#35 - Hyunyoung - Rainbow
#36 - IU
#37 - Sana - Twice
#38 - Sunny - Girls' Generation
#39 - Taeyeon - Girls' Generation
#40 - Seulgi - Red Velvet
#41 - Seohyun - Girls' Generation
#42 - Joy - Red Velvet
#43 - Raina - After School/Orange Caramel
#44 - Yuna - AOA
OVERALL HOTTEST MALES
Over half of the world's population like to fap to guys, but the important question is - which ones? Kpopalypse has the scoop!#1 – T.O.P – BigBang
161 points
After a close competition where the lead swapped several times, BigBang's T.O.P eventually pulled ahead by a significant margin, no doubt to the pleasure of BigBang fangirls and barely-in-the-closet ex-Anti Kpop-Fangirl authors everywhere.
#2 – Jungkook – BTS
136 points
What would I know about male attractiveness? Clearly nothing. This guy has a face like a puffy rice cracker, and apparently that's what a lot of you folks are into. Who am I to argue.
#3 – Jimin – BTS
134 points
I always get annoyed that every time I search "Jimin" in Google I always get this dude instead of Shin Jimin from AOA or Park Jimin from 15&, but for once this feature was actually useful. For the record, contrary to some readers' suspicions my data doesn't seem to reflect an influx of annoying Army's (aka the nutty BTS fandom who rival EXO-L for sheer crazy) skewing the results of the survey. I can tell one-eyed group fans because they'll always stack the votes by just listing five people in their favourite group (one reason I allowed multiple selections), but the vast majority of people who picked BTS members also picked several others from different groups who were placed on this list highly.
#4 – Minho – SHINee
92 points
SHINee's Minho consistently polled extremely well across all male categories, but also seems consistently incapable of winning anything outright, so from now henceforth he will be dubbed by Kpopalypse as the "male Yura" until he (or she) breaks the curse.
#5 – JB/Jaebum – GOT7
85 points
I don't really follow guy groups closely in terms of the actual group members, so I honestly can't recognise a lot of the newer and lesser known individuals by their facial features. I'm just hoping that the image tags are correct and what you're looking at here is an image of JB from GOT7 and not the latest makeover by Mortiis.
#6 – Sehun – EXO
77 points
Sehun always looks like that kid who is in a band and is 16 years old and has the most expensive equipment ever that his dad bought for him. He plays pretty well and you kinda like it that he's out there giving it a go but something about him just makes you want to scream "you fucking noob go out and play some shows, earn that Fender Super Reverb you asswipe". Sehun's leather jacket is perfect, it doesn't have any scuff marks on it or anything, he probably gets a new one especially tailor-made for each show. Guys are always jealous of the rich, mollycoddled kid at university but girls know that him and his family will look after their special needs. No wonder I barely ever got laid more than once per year when I was in my 20s.
#7 – Taecyeon – 2PM
68 points
2PM's Taecyeon seems like a happy chap. He's wearing a blue-collar shirt and it even has a small stain on the right shoulder, which is probably about as working-class as k-pop gets image-wise for the male performers. The irony is that he's probably one of the only ones who actually has a decent amount of money in the bank.
#8 – Wonho – Monsta X
63 points
Monsta X in general seem really disproportionately popular across every male category for what is really a still-nugu group. How popular are these guys, actually? I'm not even sure. Wonho here looks as confused about his place in the Kpopalypse poll as I am.
#9 – Lay – EXO
62 points
He's not putting his left hand behind his back to look cute, SM Entertainment actually broke his arm off because he looked up Kris on the Internet once six months ago. Gotta keep these kids in line or they'll all bail.
#10 – Jackson – GOT7
61 points
Jackson has the Eunjung compulsive tongue thing going on, which kind of makes me like him, even though he probably fucks animals. Everyone has their faults, right? Let's not hate on him.
#11 – Kai – EXO
60 points
Kai looks like Jongkook without the facial bruising. Fights in the dorm - don't do it, kids, one false move and you'll lose an eye and nobody wants to stan a k-pop star called "Lefty". Look at what happened to TLC.
#12 – Kyungil – History
59 points
Emo haircuts and moody stares are still alive and well in k-pop in 2016, and Kyungil is currently holding that torch that was once carried by every single male k-pop group active about 18 years ago. Except that Kyungil is also buff as fuck in a way that the first wave of k-pop idol men arguably never were, which gives some much-needed balance to the emo thing. Kyungil looks like he's sad because he lost his job lifting tire-irons rather than because his would-be girlfriend wouldn't date him because she didn't understand his love of My Chemical Romance.
#13 – Shownu – Monsta X
57 points
Last on the top list of men is Shownu, and if I were to pick any fandom that may have invaded the poll I'd probably cast a suspicious way to whatever the fuck Monsta X's fans call themselves. But I'm probably just being paranoid as they really didn't have that many votes, and people that I know do seem to like them generally, so it's probably all legit. If you really care that much about who got to what position in a poll you're probably being a bit of a cunt anyway to be honest, who really gives a crap? Personally I always think it's better if less people like my faves, not more, for reasons detailed here.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS
#14 - L/Myungsoo - Infinite
#15 - Shindong - Super Junior
#16 - Rain
#17 - V - BTS
#18 - Amber - f(x)
#19 - Jaejoong - JYJ
#20 - Hoya - Infinite
#21 - Siwon - Super Junior
#22 - Donghae - Super Junior
#23 - Xiumin - EXO
#24 - Junho - 2PM
#25 - Suho - EXO
#26 - Baekhyun - EXO
#27 - Jonghyun - SHINee
#28 - Leo - VIXX
#29 - Mino - Winner
#30 - Jin - BTS
#31 - Seungri - BigBang
#32 - Zico - Block B
#33 - Chen - EXO
#34 - Jay Park
#35 - N - Vixx
#36 - Taemin - SHINee
#37 - Doojoon - Beast
#38 - Junhoe - iKon
#39 - Onew - SHINee
#40 - Suga - BTS
#41 - Yongguk - BAP
#42 - JYP
#43 - Simon Dominic
#44 - Woohyun - Infinite
That's it for the final post in Kpopalypse's 2016 objectification survey results! A reader question before I head off:
Could you do one for talent next?
THIS WAS IT. LOOKING GOOD IS THE ONLY TALENT IN K-POP THAT MATTERS. Bye!
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